EHYJ

2011-11-26T08:38:00.001+08:00

天蝎座的报复心非常非常强，因为天蝎座一旦有报复心的原因，是因为觉得尊严被践踏了，只要践踏到她们的尊严，她就抓狂了;那她报复人最大的一个方法，就是她也要让你尊严扫地，她会当众羞辱你或当众很难堪，让你面子里子都没了。天蝎座的人很怕被伤害怕被抛弃，也怕带给别人伤害和不快乐，只能自己硬挺着一切。所以天蝎很神经质、精神脆弱、容易人格分裂，因为承受了太多。
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2011-11-26T00:32:00.001+08:00

Was clearing the room today. Found so many soft toys that are really new. And I saw the bear which you've given me. Reminded me of how much i used to love receiving soft toys as present. But things changed after you left.

2011-11-24T19:22:00.001+08:00

I've never hated anyone this much before.
And I really hate you to the core, you fucking useless piece of shit. Who are you to call yourself a man?

Nevermind about being a man and you're making your wife going out to earn money to feed the whole household, next you try to land yourself in sucha huge debt and expect us to pay them off for you?

Just who do you think you're?
Aren't you very capable of looking down at other people? Aren't you capable of saying how useless I am and criticise on how stupid I am in studies? Aren't you good at goofing at other people? Oh wait, let me think who else in my family you've not criticise before. Hmmm. Apparently none.

Fuck you up right now. If you're so capable then fucking settle the debts all by yourself. Don't fucking come and disturb my family you fucktard useless shit.

Oh thanks for telling me how bad I'm in studies since young. I can't study but I can earn a reasonable sum of money. Oh I'm probably much capable than you in fact. At least I don't stay at home doing nothing and expect money to drop from the sky.

2011-11-24T01:01:00.001+08:00

曾经很爱很爱你。
爱上了你让我失去了自己，
当你离开时我也变得不像自己了。
曾经无忧无虑的我，变得多愁善感，变的非常忧郁。
已经好久好久都不能不靠药物入睡。
感觉神经兮兮的，一直害怕身边的人会像你一样离我而去。
变得不喜欢认识新的人，好想把自己关在家里。
因为你，让我经常哭泣。
想你时便不知觉得落泪。
好想问自己到底怎么了，时隔那么多年
我依然把你放在脑海里。
我们所做的一点一滴，我都依然记得清清楚楚。
真希望自己能走出这个处境，感觉自己随时都会发疯，但我根本做不到。

参加婚礼时会想到当年的我们参加了表哥的婚礼，天真的我们当下认定了是彼此的唯一。
事过多年，你因该早就忘了，但是我还是牢牢的记在心里。。。
你知道我已经好久没有去我们常去的地方了吗，就连到你家附近我都好抗拒，害怕看见你时身旁会多了一个人。

三年了，你最近还好吗？
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2011-11-20T01:36:00.001+08:00

19 now. I feel so old. Wished I'm always 18. But time flies. Always feel like blogging but just fell into deep sleep after taking the pills.

I typed the first paragraph last night before pills took effect. Gosh I'm sooooo tired! Supposed to edit all the photos but I'm so worn out. Lying on bed now, don't even feel like doing anything.

My body can't catch up with my age. Work turns me off, but money turns me on. Sucha huge dilemma!
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2011-11-08T01:32:00.000+08:00

Not a day go by without falling asleep without the pill. Sucks so bad that I'm so reliant on the pill.

Received my first birthday present of the year. Sucks so bad that time is turning so fast. Didn't even realised its nearing my birthday. Lovin the perfume and the birthday card! Hahah. All the best for enlistment. :) always think that hand-made cards are best present ever. It shows so much sincerity and effort being put in!

Frankly speaking, I've no idea what should I get for myself this coming birthday. Haha sucha bad habit to give myself a chance to splurge.

Speaking about being old, my 19th birthday wish shall wish for myself to become fairer. Sick of my tanned skin, look so dirty :( sigh.
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2011-11-04T04:07:00.001+08:00

Do you know how it feels like to be awake even after taking pills? The feeling sucks.
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2011-11-03T00:29:00.001+08:00

I wonder why I'm always at your beck and call.
Why do you always think that I've to be free for you? And that whenever you'd ask me out, I'd always have to agree to what you say.
Am I really so worthless too you? Sigh.

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2011-10-30T00:13:00.001+08:00

Its hard being too strong, because nobody might care to ask if you're hurt or not.
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2011-10-29T14:38:00.000+08:00

Suddenly feel damn sad about my life. Saw 3 convertibles in total today. Its weird how I don't envy people staying in landed properties. But I envy people who own good cars.

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2011-10-27T20:30:00.002+08:00

Don't let people trample all over you. Absolutely hate it when
guys try to think that they're more superior than girls and shut
girls out. Fuck the male chauvinist pigs. Really hate it when guys
think girls can't do anything, and everything they do aren't as
good as them. Stop living in the past, girls can do things as good as
guys, or even better much better.

I get tired at times trying to prove that I don't need a man. But
such idiots make me want to prove it even harder. I'm getting on
fine w/o any man for real. they still live in the world that girls cant do
it without them. I think girls financial status might even be much well to
do than compared to guys.

Screw all MCPs, girls should totally stand up for ourselves
instead of letting guys trample all over us. Kthxbye

2011-10-23T12:39:00.001+08:00

So finally yesterday, we went to Chinatown to book a tour
to Taiwan for December! Damn heng please, asked around
for a couple of agencies and its like all limited spaces already.
Singaporeans really quite kia su loh!!!! Anyway its like about 1.7K
per person. Like damn exp T.T I was expecting maybe 1.2K or so.
Wahloh, thats why I think BKK best already. Cheap and good.
LOL, I won't even mind going BKK every year loh!

So I kinda paid for this entire trip first. No wonder how hard I work,
it never seems enough. Haaaaaaaai emo bird. Have to go for photoshoot
soon. But I'm so tired :(

2011-10-22T10:16:00.001+08:00

What do you really want, Scorpio? You may be rather shy about asking for something you want or need now, for fear of drawing attention to yourself, or seeming selfish or greedy. But you have just as much a right to want what you want as anyone else does. Furthermore, knowing you, you have taken the steps and done the work to feel good about getting what you want. Don't let anyone intimidate you into remaining silent. There is an opportunity now for you to grasp a dream by the tail. But if you pretend you don't want it, it will keep flying. Reach for it
--
This entire paragraph kinda fits me right now, but the problem is I've no idea what's the dream that I'm or wanting to chase after for!
First week of school is so tiring. Its totally wearing me out by doing nothing constructive.

Now my whole body is aching like some mad dog for real. Imagine me lugging all th backorder items. 20 pairs of shoes, 20 over bags, and 20+ pairs of jeans. And that's not all, still tons of knitted stuffs for new collection. Thank god I'm not doing this weekly or else my muscles are gonna be so toned up!
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2011-10-20T09:35:00.001+08:00

Sooner or later, the time comes when we all must become responsible adults, and learn to give up what we want so we can choose to do what is right.
Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy; and as the years go on, it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear.
But still, we try to do what is best, what is good, not only for ourselves, but for those we love.
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Weibo Sharing

2011-10-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

I find this really true.
天蝎座的人看似没心没肺其实他们的心理都有一段伤痛，有时看似他们在开心的笑其实是在伪装自己的难过，说什么不谈恋爱就是在装清高，其实根本没人明白是已经伤的很深所以不敢再爱了。十二星座里没有生命的星座之一--天蝎座
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2011-10-18T00:05:00.001+08:00

It's only Tuesday, Scorpio, but you may already be feeling worn out, stressed out, and more than a little irritated by the way things have been working out for you. But if you find yourself craving the weekend, you will be wishing away all those potentially glorious days that lie in between. Your advice today is simple. If you're tired, rest. If you're stressed, do something to calm yourself down. And if you're irritated by circumstances, find a way to change them. Don't let one challenging day dictate the way the rest of the week will go, or you could miss out on an astounding adventure.
--
Damnnn true pls. I totally need to sleep now. Exhausting
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2011-10-17T01:16:00.001+08:00

Entire week of hardcore emails made me hit my short-term goal! Yes that's really awesome.
But now its making me so stress and tensed that I can't really sleep. And 80 percent of the time my mind is thinking about work.
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2011-10-13T03:35:00.001+08:00

There are areas of your life that have consistently been difficult and disappointing in recent weeks or months. These areas may include romance, family relationships, and your home life. Because of these issues, you have probably come to feel rather bitter or gloomy about the possibility of anything improving. But don't lose hope, Scorpio. The cosmic climate is becoming kinder and gentler for you now. A very auspicious period is imminent, and it stands to offer you good fortune in all of these areas and others as well. Hang in there.
--
Omg last 3 words totally fit me now.
I'm feeling soooo tired! Everyday replying emails. Emails scare me awake every morning. Forced myself to get up to reply emails :(

But on another hand, if this continues on I'd probably earn enough to support a car in a years time! Hmm. Hard choice between uni or car actually. Haha wts
It scares me how someone told me she's saving for a flat already. Kill me for it pls.
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2011-10-11T02:44:00.000+08:00

This week have been good, like really god damn good for now.
Sales have been absolutely shocking this week. I've been packing
about 100 parcels just past 2 days! All I do now is reply emails
and pack parcels. Damn crazy, and super tiring. Been having so
little sleep too. Its like I cleared all emails before I sleep, but when
I see over 30 emails in inbox, I'd wanna wake up to clear them.
And this have been continuing for past 2 days :( Tired max.

Frankly speaking, actually I hate talking about aic. Since most
probably people will think that I'm just showing off, which Idk
why either. Its not like I never worked hard for it, don't know
why brainless people always like to say those stuffs :( So sad
please. I spent 80% of my time at home doing aic stuffs, and
I'd even rush home to do the stuffs when I've a lot to do. So
dedicated to my job. LOL

2011-10-08T21:09:00.002+08:00

The difference between you and me is that you can't wait to see
people fail. But I can't wait to see people succeed. And I want all
my friends to succeed, I'm not like you. I won't wish that any of my
friend will ever fail.

Since you luv karma so much, I'd very much wish that it'd strike you
one day. Yes you, no doubt YOU.

Daily horoscope

2011-10-02T10:45:00.001+08:00

You are denying that you desperately want something, Scorpio, because you are afraid that you won't be able to get it. To admit your hunger would leave you feeling vulnerable. Other people would know of your desire, and failing in the eyes of others would make you feel especially awful. And even admitting to yourself that you really want what you want might make you feel uneasy too, because then it would be a recordable failure if you didn't get it. But cheer up. Want what you want with passion. Doing so will make you feel far more free and unencumbered by doubts. Go for it - you are incredibly close to your goal.

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2011-09-30T04:09:00.001+08:00

Its late nights like this that are the worst. You stay up all night and can't get yourself to fall asleep, so all you do is think. Think about everything. Everything that you have been through in your life. And as always, it's mostly the bad things that stand out the most. You reminisce the good times you've had with people that no longer exist in your life. You think about how much happier you used to be and how everything was better before. It's nights like this when you realize just how lonely you are, and how you wish that things would be alright for once.

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2011-09-28T04:38:00.001+08:00

There's a reason why I'm always so pessimistic. Because I've seen through human beings. Because lifes just like that.

Its so hard to forget someone, especially when they've made sucha big impact in your life. I totally could understand why she still can't move on even though it have been a good 4 years since you've passed away.

Its not just merely eraseable or can be forgotten or washed away by time. Sometimes the feelings just keep getting stronger. Sometimes I look at the old photos and wonder why, its been so long and you've long forgotten about me, but why am I still here reminiscing about you.

Its just this weird feeling swept over me. People who don't understand will think that I'm silly. No you don't know until you've experienced it. If it don't hurt, means you didn't loved him enough.

Its funny how I've only loved twice and both hurt me so bad. Been good 3 years. Being single is such a good choice. Boys spell heartaches. I can't handle aches, so I'd rather be away from them.
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2011-09-28T01:03:00.002+08:00

I'm getting so bored at home. I sleep at wee hours,
and wake up in the afternoons. I've been spending so much
on food these weeks. Practically all I spend on is food, and
probably spent less than $50 a week buying clothes or other
stuffs. Just yesterday we went for Ikoi buffet and boy, its so
awesome! Probably one of the freshest sashimi I've ever had
compared to the ones in Japan which I've had! Totally worth
the $42 we've paid considering the fact that we were there for
whole 3hours. Chatting and making fun of everything that is
happening. Luv it when I can get to go out with my girlfs!

Though its always hard to accommodate to each other's timing,
but its always worthwhile! Can't wait for Jess A lvls to end and
we're gonna drive around to have more food outings! The last
time we met was like 4 months ago?! Next one will definitely
be shorter :P probably in 2 months time! Kinda hope that Jess
won't go to the States for University or else its gonna be so
boring w/o her!

2011-09-26T03:10:00.002+08:00

"Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times
I've sat in my room and cried, how many times I've lost hope,
how many times I've been let down. Nobody knows how many
times I've had to hold back the tears, how many times I've felt
like I'm about to snap but don't just for the sake of others.
Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever
I'm sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me, and
that's what I hate the most."

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2011-09-25T03:34:00.000+08:00

There is a difference when you hang out with different people,
cause different people have different thinkings. Told a friend
that all I need is just to save 70K for me to complete my studies,
and she laughed at me for having such small goal? So sad :(
Like wts, 70K a lot leh, at least for me now. If I earn 2K a month,
I'd need 35 months! Then on another hand I've friend who only
have less than $5 in their bank account? Okay I was one of them
last time, damn sucks to be broke. Like wth can't even withdraw
when you wanna go to the ATM, embarrass max.

So not only she told me that my goal is small, she says we should
all have big dreams. It makes me sound like sucha bitch now, look
there's no wrong in being poor. But being poor is not a reason to
begin with, no one is poor forever unless they don't work/give
a damn. Another thing is I absolutely hate it when people who
complain non-stop about being poor and do nothing about it.
Do you even expect money to fall from the sky? Argh.

3 more weeks to end of holidays, I'd need to earn another 2-3K
for Taiwan and HongKong trip! Yes work doubly/triply hard for
these few weeks before school starts and I've no time anymore :(
Me is money money money minded girl. :(

2011-09-22T03:44:00.000+08:00

People change over time. Thinkings, behaviours, attitude.
Its gonna be a truth, everyone's gonna be different in
different stages of life. I used to think those who're chasing
after money are fools. Now that I'm slightly grown up, I finally
understood. I used to wonder why did all of them were fucking
eyeing on the inheritance when grandpa died. Now I know why.

So many things I didn't knew back then, now its becoming so
clear right infront of me. Money makes the world go round.
The truth didn't hit me that hard until my friend told me about
a mate who went overseas for studies. Mother fucking 444K for
studies. Seriously, How many earn 444K a year?! Wtf was I thinking
when I thought of going Aussie for studies too, I don't even have
100K to begin with when its at least 60K a year that I'd need. Do
the Math and see how far I'm away from it.

I feel so depressed, sigh. Feel so useless sometimes. Wished I've
been a little cleverer, or a little more hardworking, or a little more
capable. Life sucks as much though I wished I'd be out of Poly soon.

2011-09-19T02:02:00.001+08:00

Supposed to go KL+Penang during Oct! But sis only can make
it on 7th Oct onwards. Which means its the only weekend that
we can both compromise with, but it clashes with Shuyi's birthday.
So well, I'm giving up Malaysia trip and stay in Singapore.

Damn sian one, holidays 7 weeks then only go BKK. Then Dec
holidays 3 weeks, and I'd most likely be going to Penang for chalet,
then to Hong Kong, and most likely spending Christmas and New
Year in Tai Nan. Hopefully can go! Though I'd need to fork out
my own air tixs etc. HAIZ, sad girl ttm. Mum say she's not gonna
pay for me, or else I won't go and earn it.

This is the good reason why I'm always $.$ Ha-ha not afraid to admit
it la, money-face laaaaaaaa, LOL. Kinda hate holidays sometimes,
it sucks so badly la! Been spending so much money on cab. *Weeps*
Everyday cab cab cab, but lazy to take public transport when
I'm alone, #foreveralone. The money I spend on cab a month
enough to month me a branded bag liao loh :'(

Like that don't need to buy car liao. Can never be able to save enough
for one. CRIES. My dream to save enough for a car by end of Poly life
can go vanish into thin air nao. HAIYA, also my Ipod Touch, wanna get
it since forever. But can't bear to spend $300+ at one shot, end up
bloodsucked by cabs away. HAIZ

2011-09-15T03:08:00.000+08:00

"I've been messed with, let down, and played too many times. I wonder what people think of me too much, and I'm way too judgmental. My heart is big but I have my selfish moments. I love to be in big groups, but I love to be alone. Every song on my iPod has a special memory or a regret behind it. I don't like going through old pictures because I miss what used to be. I tend to over think things and I trust way too many people. I have the people I'd love to pack up and leave with, and there are some people I wish would just disappear. I don't cry very often, but when I do I can't stop. I hate the word goodbye and I wish it didn't exist. I hate liars, though I lie myself. I have secrets hidden in me that even I don't know. I'm still finding things out about myself."

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2011-09-12T06:07:00.001+08:00

Its just weird how I always see you after I've thought about you. As usual, the coward me chose to walk away. Blame it on my fear, I'm still not strong enough to face you.

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2011-09-05T10:39:00.001+08:00

I wonder if there's anybody who will protect their work and hardship and hold it even more important than themselves.

To me, aic is everything in my life. It added on so much tears and joy to my life. I can't imagine me without it. I'd die to keep it alive, even if its gonna work the hell outta me. That's how important it is to me.

Its no longer just because of money. Its a feeling and commitment that nothing can ever replace it.
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Its a good month

2011-09-04T04:10:00.002+08:00

I'm sad to see the house go, but on another hand I'm glad misery is over.
Life have been good. I'm dying to earn more money.
Really wanna get something good to reward myself.
Shall work hard for it :( spent too much in August.
Like 1/2 of the money spent are not for myself :( but I'm glad that sis and my parents are happy, so well... Its worth it.
Can't wait to bring dad and mum to have good food in BKK!

Haha sometimes I wonder why do I look as if I've a good life to some people? Not going out to work doesn't mean I'm not working, in fact I'm working doubly hard, or triply harder. I'm sucha sucker for money, I'd give in all my might just to earn them.

Well, people are just people. Its funny how they think of me when they barely know me. Really don't know what's wrong with me nowadays. Drove past your house the other day, and I've been feeling weird these days.
The park where we used to spent our time at, those path that we've walked before. Everything feels so near, yet it all happened years ago.
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2011-09-03T02:21:00.000+08:00

To those who have laughed at me , I wanna thank you .
Without you , I wouldn't have cried .
To those who have pushed me , I wanna thank you .
Without you , I wouldn't have fallen .
To those who have hurt my feelings , I wanna thank you .
Without you , I wouldn't know how to feel .
But most importantly , I wanna thank those who
thinks that I can't do it ...
Without you , I wouldn't be trying so hard now .

2011-09-01T01:14:00.001+08:00

Can't believe I'm sucha Chinese proz. I don't even know how to
read some of the words now. What more about writing omg.

2011-08-19T00:56:00.001+08:00

I used to constantly look for people to replace you. Someone to talk to everyday, someone to trust, someone to believe in, someone to love, someone whom I can be myself with. I stopped though. I realized that some people just can't be replaced.

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2011-08-18T01:12:00.001+08:00

What's the difference between spending your life trying to be invisible, or pretending to be the person you think everyone wants you to be? Either way, you're faking.

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2011-08-17T00:48:00.001+08:00

Its so scary to wake up with nightmare every morning.

2011-08-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

So much stress to handle in different aspect of life.
Its suffocating.
I feel so useless.
I complain about every single thing I've, be it looks, financial matters, studies.

Because no matter what I do, I'm never good enough.
Because no matter how nice I treat someone, I was never treated right.
Because no matter how I put someone as priority, no one ever treated me as one.
Because no matter how truthful I am, people will think I'm pretentious.

But what you don't know about is what kind of life I lead.
You don't know how insecure I am everyday.
You don't know how I cry myself to sleep at nights.
You don't know the amount of stress I'm being put under.

Everyday I'd have to fight the battle with myself convincing that one day I'd be good enough.
It sure don't feel good to feel like you're the only one fighting against the entire world.
我真的累了

2011-08-12T00:52:00.001+08:00

每次都问自己到底在拼什么，
做的一切都值得吗？
其实一点都不开心，
就为了满足别人，
让自己过得好累。

再等一个月的时间，一切都会变了
日子会好过了。
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2011-08-10T00:11:00.001+08:00

If you have been feeling frustrated about a family or work situation that just won't go your way, it may be time to step back from it. It could be that things aren't working out for a good reason that you will soon see and understand. In the meantime, take a break from the anxiety and any drama that's involved as well, and remove yourself from any resultant conflict. When one door closes, as they say, another door opens. That is probably the case here. So be ready to look for new and wonderful opportunities that arise from a seemingly unfortunate situation.
--
Omg I'd say its really accurate for me today.
Been feeling really vexed about family problems, it still don't look very optimistic yet.
But well things gonna get better I guess?
I'm so afraid that I can hold up to their expectation.
Really wish I could take away all their troubles, I'd rather it be me handling them alone.
Than to have everyone feeling so worried about it.
Feel so useless to be unable to help.
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Daily horoscope

2011-08-09T12:11:00.001+08:00

You are a steady, stable force in the lives of those you care for. Although you tend to be secretive, and you don't allow yourself to get close to anyone too easily, you are always there for those who have proven themselves to be loyal and true. Although you may not realize it, someone in your close circle of friends or relatives puts you on a pedestal for your rock-like reliability. This individual is now in need of your encouragement, your mentorship, and your faith. Reaching out to this person could also help you to become more comfortable in your own skin.
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2011-08-06T05:44:00.001+08:00

In your mind, you have already failed at an upcoming challenge. You can see yourself screwing up, being short on time or money or other resources. You can imagine other people disagreeing with you. You just know there will be insurmountable obstacles in your path. That doesn't sound like you, Scorpio, but right now you are in danger of working yourself into a state of negativity if you continue to give in to your darker fears about a problem. You have everything you need to resolve a problem with grace and wisdom. And you will - if you start envisioning a successful outcome.
--
When you're truthful, people call you sarcastic. When you're fake, people call you pretentious. Either way its gonna hurt. I'd just leave it as it is than to pick up the broken pieces.
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2011-08-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

Just need someone to listen to what I've got to say. Its that simple, really.

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2011-08-04T05:48:00.000+08:00

The hours turned to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Nothing has changed, I'm still in love and you're still gone.

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2011-08-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

Trust me, you've yet to seen the real world.
You don't know how faces or people could turn ugly just because of money.
You don't know how fucking important it is to have money.
I'd just think that you're ignorant.

How can I not even know the importance of money when it almost tore my life apart? When it used to be the reason why I cry to sleep every single night.

Don't be silly with your thinking. Your parents can't provide for you forever. You're in no position to say about me. I paid for everything I've now by my own. I provide for myself and I give my parents money every single month. Just wait till you're financially independent, then tell me if money is important or not

You're no longer a kid. Be fucking mature with your thinking. And be more sensitive towards what you've said.
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2011-07-27T23:09:00.001+08:00

You know that feeling when you're just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let out everything that you have kept in all day?
Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you're tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay, but no one's going to be there.
And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won't be, but you're still hoping and you're still wishing and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.

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2011-07-24T01:20:00.002+08:00

I'm so hating promise breaker, cause if you'd want to make the promise, jolly well keep to it and stop treating me like a fool for it.
If you aren't making the effort, neither will I.
Freaking hell got enough, done enough too.

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2011-07-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

Its almost the end of the month, things are getting better finally.
June-july have been sucha rocky month.
Life's so terrible, so many things going on.
Especially horrible things happening to the family.
For a moment I thought we're all going fall apart.

Money causes such big problem to us. Almost gone bankrupt. Almost experienced divorce for my parents. Almost thought I was going to die.

What sucks more is that you can't share it out because everyone have their own problem to solve.
So I should solve my own problem too.

I'm not the worst because I still have my family. Never ever forsake your family for your friends, boyfriend, commitments or whatsoever. Because at the end of the day, you realise the ones who never leave you is your family.

Every single time you push back family dinners/outings for something else you deem more important thinking that there's always chance to spend with your family, you're so wrong. Lost time will never return, we'd all grow old and things will change, it will never ever be the same.

God is just trying to make me stronger but making me handle tough situations. What that don't kill me will only make me stronger. I know He will help me through these tough times.

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2011-07-20T00:51:00.001+08:00

变得不坚强了，坚强好累。
哭过就好了。可惜痛还是在的，
一点都不好，轻易的就流泪了。
真的很伤心，好久没有毫不犹豫的哭了。
痛得快要死掉了
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2011-07-17T02:34:00.002+08:00

How are you now? What have you been doing?
Questions about you start popping up in mind.
Your birthday is around the corner, but I've no courage to send the birthday wish.
I wonder if you still come here anymore.
This year you've forgotten to send me festive wishes like you used to do last year

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2011-07-17T01:17:00.001+08:00

There's a reason why I choose to private my twitter and facebook.
Don't try to get personal with me.
Work is work, personal is personal.
Don't even know how many request I've rejected or blocked.
I'm not even seek for fame or anything.
Hate to be known, don't wish to be known.

Life sucks, I can't handle so many things at once.
Need to juggle time well, its my choice.
Since I've made the decision, I should do it well then.
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2011-07-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

Because I'm not important enough for you, so you're always treating me as back up plan. When I'm with you, your phone never left your hands.
But you took hours just to get back to me for a single text.
I took the iniative but still get unappreciated

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2011-07-10T18:30:00.001+08:00

Today is a super bad day.
Cried so much today.
And transferred freaking 2K to wrong account.
Hopefully I can get good news tomorrow or else I'd cry to death.
I'm a weakling I love to cry.
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2011-07-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

I don't need to have a lot of friends.
I just need a handful of them who will make me feel at ease when I'm with them.
I just need someone who won't make me feel extra.
I just need someone to let me know that I'm worth being there.
I just need someone who will be able to make me stop finding a place to fit in.
Cause everywhere doesn't fit.

Girl I really miss who you used to be.
I don't have to worry about your well-being in the past.
Now I'm afraid every single day of you breaking the news to me.
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2011-07-07T23:34:00.001+08:00

Haven't been the best of mood lately.
Not sure if its due to tiredness.
So exhausted and worn out everyday.
So tired that I feel like crying.
I must be crazy.
Can't handle this, I'm tired of being tired.

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2011-07-06T23:07:00.001+08:00

I'd rather be alone than to be with people I hate or dislike. Fucking hate useless guys. Good-for-nothing ought to die.
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2011-07-05T22:19:00.001+08:00

I can't kick off this habit of going to sleep extremely early when I'm sad.
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2011-07-04T03:35:00.001+08:00

If she's right, I'm gonna be single for next 2 years while craving out my path of life. I'd be really busy like what she said.

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2011-07-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

Cause I know how its like to fall with no one there to help you up.

I'd rather put down my ego than to spoil a friendship.

2011-07-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

Chalet triggers back so much memories of secondary school
days. Still remembered how 13/14 of us used to squeeze
in a small Coasta Sands chalet, everynight will be orchestra of
snoring sessions, how we cycled and laugh at ABNNs and nights,
adventurous nights out, quarrelling with stupid uncle. Secondary
school days used to be so awesome. Random visits to Zoo every
now and then, prawning, Sentosa trips and all. Everywhere we go
there'd be at least 10s of us. Kinda wished things would stay the
same, but well. Gone were those days.

2011-06-29T01:51:00.002+08:00

Its scaring me how important some people think university studies are, and how I think its not that important for me. One person said this to me 'most people are holding a degree if you don't, how are you even comparable to them'? But my question is, yes a lot of people have degree, but how many do they really use them?

Don't wanna be the same, hate to be the same. Its better to be practical than to follow suit. I'd rather use the time to work harder to achieve my personal goal. Sounds like a good for nothing, but my personal goal is to earn $100K by 21 years old and save at least $80K.

Haha everyone can earn, but its to whether they can save or not that makes them different. Heheh. Seeing myself work harder towards the aim is awesome. Haha I'm moneyface92. Every 10K is a milestone for me, I guess that's how adult make goals for themselves? Just that I'm starting a little earlier.

Hopefully God will bless me with an awesome year, and hopefully another breakthrough! ;)

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2011-06-27T20:13:00.002+08:00

严爵 - 好的事情

想要跟你一起走到最后
但我遗失了地图
谁给谁束缚谁比谁辛苦
爱到深处才会领悟
好的事情最后虽然结束
感动十分就有十分满足
谢谢你是你陪我走过那些路
痛是以后无法再给你幸福
好的事情也许能够重复
感动时分就算纷纷模糊
不要哭至少你和我记得很清楚
爱是为彼此祝福

Okay, so tomorrow is WAD MST but I've spent the entire watching
drama instead of studying. Its so addictive, and can't believe I
actually cried so badly during the show. I used to be like her,
such a fool in love. Giving in everything I could, yet get back
nothing but hurt. Though its been so long, but I still feel a lil
pain and hurt as I tried to think about it. Hate this problem
with me, no matter how badly people hurt me, I can't just
turn and walk away no matter how hard I try to. And still I'd
feel the pain be it days, or months or even years after that.

The pain still feel as fresh as if its just yesterday.

2011-06-25T14:49:00.002+08:00

I don't need a guy in my life.
Please don't come near me or even be nice to me.
I won't appreciate it at all.
Haha I think I've androphobia.
And I hate to know new people, stupid sai.
That's why I got so little friends.
Can't really be bothered to know new people if everyones gonna be that fake.
Aiya I'm getting weirder as days go by. Kill me la. Nb

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2011-06-25T02:00:00.002+08:00

I need a holiday like this. Its so fucking awesome chilling by the beach
doing nothing but lazing around. I really wanna go for getaways so badly.
Ohmy, even Malaysia I also don't mind. HAHA Desperate as it is! Haven't
gone back to Malaysia for so long. Anyway BKK trip is confirmed as it is,
just that the dates have to decide only at a later time. Can't wait to confirm
dates for Hong Kong trip too. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh yes and Batam, cheap
and near getaway. Thinking about these get me so excited ^^ Hope plans
don't fail me, or else I'd be soooo disappointed.

Sometimes I'd wish that things would still remain the same, at least we'd
be as happy we used to be. Even though it might be hypocritical at times,
but I must admit we were really happy. Happy moments don't lie. But what
have become of us now? Its even awkward thinking about texting you for a
simple question. I wished things didn't become like this, I wished I was better
in handling situations. Gone were those days.

2011-06-24T00:44:00.003+08:00

Its not the end. Wished things can go in my way.
But I can't write my own story, its cruelty of life.
Just hope September can faster arrive, its gonna
stop the misery hopefully.

2011-06-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

我從來都不哭 , 不是因為我沒有眼淚.

2011-06-19T18:48:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna see my family being torn apart by money.

Anything but money.

2011-06-18T12:14:00.001+08:00

Pain is all I've felt past few days.
Truth, lies, reality, friends, liars, betrayals.
Physical and emotional pain, they never left.
Gastric pain have been the worst it can ever been since years.
Was all in tears when visiting the doctor, people who don't know the pain will think I'm exaggerating the pain.
How about having the doctor telling you that you'd soon develop stomach ulcer or cancer if this goes on.
These uncertainty kills, as if my life aren't complicated enough.
Just need a place to rant.

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2011-06-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

You think its easy, not it isn't.
Try dealing with all the devils,
thinking that people are your friends
when they're the one who betray you.
This is my life, deal with it.

2011-06-09T02:38:00.002+08:00

i always blame myself for being not good enough for anyone.

i always blame myself for being not clever enough to make my parents proud.

i always blame myself for being not a good friend whemever sometime bad happens.

whats wrong with me? i only hope that others will feel better when im the one with fault.

2011-06-08T01:40:00.003+08:00

If only money doesn't make the world go round.
If only I'm not as transparent as you made me feel.
If only I'm as happy as I thought I'd be.

When will anyone realise that. beneath the strong shield

lies someone feeling helpless and hopeless.

2011-06-06T23:10:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if anyone will be like me, feeling
so paranoid and useless about every single thing I do, or
I am. looking at friends around me getting into universities,
graduating from universities, getting a stable job and having
vision for their future. it makes me feel really useless, cause I've
no idea what i want. actually I want to only work for 4 days a
week, haha look at how impractical I am.

Then again here comes problem for the family, well the

problem is always there in fact, just that we hate to rectify

it. everything is gonna be okay after 2 more months I hope.

everything is gonna be okay...

2011-06-02T01:08:00.002+08:00

I almost forgot how it was to fight for what I believe in.
It definitely perks me up a lil when I see people fighting
hard for themselves.

2011-05-29T01:47:00.001+08:00

alone, again. its not the first time that i feel

so alone, its okay. im gonna get used to it.

2011-05-28T13:07:00.003+08:00

Don't say a single thing, cause you don't even know me.
You don't know what I've been through, you don't know what
happened, so just don't say anything. I'm not wallowing in self
pity nor denial. Why did I try so hard to prove myself? Its because
of you people who keep try to make me feel useless, because you
people keep on looking down on my family. Its because you people
think you're oh-so-good.

2011-05-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

Dad says I don't trust people enough, I'm dubious of everyone
around me. But how do I even trust when I see them trusting
others yet getting cheated by people around them? If they aren't
so trusting, we won't be slogging so hard, life won't be so hard for
us. He says I'm too harsh to people around me. Why would I still
give them a second chance when they've already hurt me before?
The first time you're being hurt by someone, you should blame the
person for hurting you. But if you give the person second chance/third
chance or so on, its your fault for being so dumb to let someone hurt
you. You don't learn to protect yourself, no one will. Because they've
been too nice, so nice till even their own siblings are doing things to
hurt them. I will not let anyone hurt my family, nobody can ever do
that, not ever with me around. In the past, I was too young to know,
but now, I will never let you get the chance to hurt them.

Just fuck off from my life, don't ever step into my house, and don't
ever fucking expect me to entertain you and complain to my parents
when I don't. Fuck you and your nonsense, I don't give a shit if you're
reading this or not. I will not let you bully my parents, cause I'd do
all that I can to protect them.

2011-05-24T19:45:00.003+08:00

i get very disappointed when people i trust, try to hurt me.

no matter how strong i think i am, i still get hurt by them.

be it words or actions. i thought i can be fine as long as i try to

build a wall around me. i thought i can be alone, i dont wanna

act like i need anyone or depend on them. i dont want to be reliant

on anybody. im like this, the more you try to challenge me, the

more i will prove you wrong. i hate to depend on anyone, cause

at the end of the end everyone leaves. ya fuck it but its truth.

im so tired.

2011-05-22T23:59:00.004+08:00

seriously hate cheapos who try to get advantage of me

just because im not very particular about end cents.

like wtf, cause i dont really bother going around asking

people to return me money if what they owe arent more

than 20bucks. but that doesnt means you can fucking

push your luck times and times again -.- no money go

fucking earn it

2011-05-22T13:55:00.002+08:00

Happy also tired unhappy also tired. I know I shouldnt

complain being tired but i really am. I foresee lesser and lesser

time can be placed in aic. I think its sucha irony, that I would

rather save money for a car than to further my studies. Feel
like packing all the clothes at home and send them to salvation
army, so irritated with the amount of clothes at home. Just
ransacked a part of the house and found a couple of clothes
that I've barely worn/not worn before. Its such a irony that
I'm always wearing the same old clothes yet there are clothes
lying at some corners of the house.

K I'm so bored now, shall paint my nails.

2011-05-18T22:18:00.003+08:00

I'm so nervous right now, so scared that I'd tremble infront
of the tester tomorrow. Never felt so freaking nervous before.
Can feel butterflies in my stomach, so horrible. I've never been
soooo scared before. Sigh, just hope everything will go well tomorrow.
Damn scared I'd chicken out last minute, I'm freaking super duper
nervous and scared for goodness sake. Having trial test in the morning.
Ya la fuck it I'm scared to this extent, kthxbye.

2011-05-15T23:24:00.001+08:00

maybe i should stop harping on the past.

maybe i should give myself a break.

maybe ive been too stubborn.

maybe i should just give myself more time.

probably life isnt all about having money or having fun,

or to compare how many friends you have, how many qualifications

you get. guess its about spending quality time with people

that are important, and realise who are the ones you can keep

as friends, and who are the ones whom you can shun away from.

theres so much hatred in me, probably i should just learn to

let go of them. probably id have to learn that no matter what i do,

some things are just destined to be. i should stop harping on the

past. i should be a new me. i should grow to let go of the past.

2011-05-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

I've no idea why but I'm feeling so scared.
The fear is overwhelming. I feel so helpless,
cause no one can understand.

2011-05-03T01:06:00.002+08:00

I'm such a sad girl today. Probably the worst driving lesson
I've ever had is today. And this make me doubt myself so badly
whether I've the ability and capability to do it or not. Sometimes
it hurts so bad when you've everything pictured at the back of
your mind, yet when reality came crashing down. You starts to
doubt yourself if you're good enough.

2011-04-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

So many shit to handle nowadays. Anyway main thing
is still bs, so hard to handle it nowadays. After a day in school
I'd be so exhausted that I don't even feel like doing anything
anymore. But I'm kinda excited for the arrival of May, gonna
mark so many important dates for me. So I'd have to make
important decisions by then! Then is June, which I can't really
wait for BKK trip too. Been anticipating the trip for the longest
time ever, wanna bring so many exclusive stuffs back! Cannot
wait! If its successful, shall make plans to travel to BKK every
holiday!!!

2011-04-24T01:18:00.002+08:00

I'm a happy girl right now. Can't wait for tomorrow :) Finally decided
to get a DSLR tomorrow. Been deciding since last year to get it, but put
the idea off since with the same amount of money it can last me for quite
some time. But so many stuffs happened today =.= Make me realise I
can't depend on others anymore, have to depend on myself! Okay, best
part is I was still reluctant in getting one, but my parents just urge me
to get it. Somemore mum wants to sponsor me 1K for it, where got so
supportive parents right. LOL. Obviously I'm not getting the money
from them, shall use my own money T.T Act strong must like that one,
end up ownself broke also don't want use other people money. LOL.
Nevermind, shall work harder next month. MAY IS SUCH A IMPT
MONTH FOR ME!!!!! :)

2011-04-22T02:11:00.001+08:00

I've been telling myself so many times "I can I want & I will".
Because I can do it, and I want to do it, so I will do it. Like how
tough it is for me to reply tons of emails everyday, but I know
I can do it, and I want to do it, so I will do it. Kind of really need
a positive mindset to keep it going. Its stress beyond maximum
the amount of effort I've to put in.

Probably one main thing is, I want and need to earn money. Sounds
super desperate but if I stop working means I've no income, and
I can't imagine what would become of me without income. Savings
will get depleted extremely soon I supposed. My savings> my spendings.
Anyway I've been thinking so much of getting a car for myself after
license. Yes I've been planning for it, don't laugh at me for having plans
for myself. I'm just maturing faster than normal kids. Anyway obviously
I'm going to pay for all installments etc if I were to do so, not like some
useless people who just solely depend on their parents. BUT yes a big
but, its so gonna drain me all out just by paying for it. Gotta deprive me
of my entertainment and usual expenditure, so theres pros and cons.

Soooooooo confused :(

2011-04-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

"There's no better motivation than someone telling you
that you cant do something." Totally gotta agree with this
sentence. Should I thank all the bitch and bastard that
strives me to work this hard ? Haha , oh yes almost forgot
that bitch strike again. Fucking thick skin of her I'd say.
Even went to tell my dad how I only gave her one word
answer when she asked me things, oh come on. Be glad
that I didn't chase you out of the house, still want me to
welcome you with a smile? Just dream on. I'd never forget
how you tried to step on us, how important you think
money is compared to kinship. How fucking shallow you're.
Can't help but to laugh at your stupidity.

K anyway internship finally ended. Can't thank god for it.
Supposingly it was a great ending, but well our nice boss
decides to go crazy on our last day and slashed the whole
company with her words, shoot all of us like machine gun.
True enough, if you've the money and power you can do
whatever you like even if you've a freaking horrible character.

2011-03-29T00:59:00.003+08:00

I think whenever people cry when they're in wrong in a
situation, they're just trying to get sympathy from others.
That is one fucking reason why I'd never cry no matter how
affected I am or how bad I feel. I'm not the one in wrong, I
don't feel the need to cry and I don't need others to sympathy
me. By crying only makes me look weaker, and make the person
who tries to hurt me get on an upper hand. This is why I don't cry.

Think too much or whatever, no I doubt so. This is fact, if you're
weak people will try to push their luck further. What you've got
to do is to stand strong and show them that you're no pushover.
Cause no one will fight for me no matter what, so I've got to fight
for myself.

Don't try to judge, cause you know nothing. I've to protect myself,
cause this is the only way not to get hurt. yes i've been hurt enough to

be building walls around me to guard against people. if you've hurt

before, why should i still give you a second chance to hurt me again?

you cant blame me for being afraid to let anyone in. its not fair that

only the one who cries win, cause i will never ever cry.

2011-03-22T00:41:00.001+08:00

Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts you, just be strong
and act like the way you always do because strong walls just
shake but never collapse. ^-^ This is what kept me going, wo
shi strong de loh. Haha frankly speaking, how many people can
don't break down after times and times of devastating truth
and harsh reality. Yawnz, I sound so awesome. Despite feeling
damn argh to find out the truth, well truth sucks like always.
But its not hurting me a single bit. Hahah, you make yourself
sound like a joke. Glad to have people who feel bad for me, haha
but well wellz. Its okay for me cause I don't care and you don't
matter.

Frankly speaking, I've never hated anyone who have done or
said nasty things about me. Haha maybe dislike at the point of
time, but well just get over it. You bitch about people, and people
will bitch about you too. Its life.

2011-03-03T18:58:00.001+08:00

its okay i'd take the pain.

its okay i'd take the blame.

just take it as its all my fault.

2011-03-03T04:54:00.004+08:00

Everyone knows how much I'd love to study in Australia after
polytechnic. But I guess well, I'd have to push the plan aside
first. Its scary at the thought of what would happen. Can't stop
myself from thinking about it, but it really scares me, a lot.
Well, I wished I've sensed it coming. I'd have worked harder
to lighten their burdens. I'd have been more sensible... So much
of me being a materialistic person in others' eyes. Cause those
were the things people don't understand, and never will. You
don't know how much stress I've been put into, how ugly I've
known about truth. Reality is cruel. Don't beg to differ.

I need to be strong. i need to piece everything back together, i cant

let their years of hardwork go into drain. you know ive been really

trying very hard, like fucking hard, and i know how it feels like to see

your hard work goes down the drain. thats probably the reason why

they still chose to hold on.

2011-02-25T13:18:00.002+08:00

I was feeling extremely lethargic in the morning having to wake
up at 7am when I slept at 4am, merely 3hours of nap. But anyway
it was all worthwhile, Dr Gg Lee totally made my day. She is
probably one of the best doctor I've ever met, and she truly
inspired me. She was right, if I don't help myself who will bother
to help me?

2011-02-22T19:56:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry I'm not brave enough. I'm sorry I chose to run away. But you won't know I was crying as I walked away. When was the last time I've seen you? I can't remember. But still I feel the same.

2011-02-17T02:39:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really wished ive the capability to pay the bills for the entire household. Really wish to lighten my parents burden. Feels so sad to see them fret over money. Sigh... Really wished i was more capable and less lazy. Im gonna work doubly hard this March. Cant be bothered if im tired or not already. Really want to earn as much as i can to get mum and dad a new phone, and an itouch or laptop for sis. Yes i believe God will give me the strength i need! :)

2011-02-14T20:12:00.003+08:00

Really hate it when I trust someone, that person have to prove
me wrong by doing things that make me change my opinion about
them. I can be really ruthless when it comes to people who gets on
my nerves. To be honest, I really don't give a fuck. I lose friends,
make friends, and enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to
be me.

So much about angst. There is this kuku bird who keeps tempting
me to get BB to BBM with her cause she say its FOC. I was actually
planning to get it in April already, ya April like damn long only. Okay,
but my current phone is failing me. Its only 4months old btw. So ya
I'm gonna change to BB by this week, major expense gosh. Its freaking
$398 and I'm damn broke now since I just ordered supre and asos :(
BUT !!! Its okay if I stop shopping for this 2 weeks, and work harder
when exams end. Okay this is it!!! ^^

2011-02-13T18:47:00.002+08:00

Even if I've to stand up and face the world alone, I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to fight for what I believe in.

2011-02-12T03:18:00.002+08:00

Hate it when I'm free and your are not.
Hate it whenever I'm free, your have to go overseas.
Hate it that we've to communicate via Post-it everytime.

2011-02-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder what would have become of me
if I gave up just after everyone's negative remarks. What if
I gave up aic, what would have become of me? Its a truly
weird feeling like seriously. It have already became a part of
my life, more important than anything else in fact.

Its just like a dream to me, can't believe I've been doing it
for more than 8 months already. Really want it to excel and
bring it to a better level ^-^ Have big plans for it!

Anyway life sucks when you don't know who you can trust.
You see people telling you negative stuffs about someone else,
then you see another one telling you bad stuffs about another.
I don't even know how to judge whos right and whos not. So I
rather don't trust either. Really hope people can be more
dependant on self instead of being reliant on others. Cause no
one will be there for you forever.

And another thing that really upsets me this year is this person
in the family. I've never liked him before, and after this incident
it makes me hate him. And I fucking hell just curse that he'd just
get knock down by car or whatever shit. Cause he is fucking unfilial.
God will struck him hard one day. He is one fucking bastard who
can tell me that I'm motherfucking useless when he himself is one
useless bastard. And now what? You're fucking unfilial shit. I hope
you get struck by lightning. Okay I was so angry that I totally told
dad that he'd get banged by car or whatever when they told me
about it. Fucking shit, the whole family's relationships is already so
strained because of you. And now you're just trying to break the
whole family apart. Just see how your kids will treat you in future,
theres this thing call karma. If God don't strike you, Karma will.

2011-02-02T00:54:00.005+08:00

Been used, being used. Fuck all this shit, is getting on my nerves.
I can't pretend its none of my business anymore. Enough is enough.
Don't try to screw up my life anymore, I've dreams to pursue, I've
work to do. I've goals in my life to achieve. I'm not like you, a useless
fool. I don't give in to people just because they look down on me, instead
I'm so gonna be stronger and prove them what they've said wrongly. I'm
gonna be better than whoever who try to bring me down. I'm gonna prove
every single one who looks down on me wrong. Get it? Thats the thing about
me, I'm never gonna let anyone look down on me twice. No I'm not like you.
I don't have a shore for me to lie on whenever I meet any problem, I'm always
left alone to handle my own stuffs. But thats gonna make me stronger than
you're. At least I don't cry like a baby whenever I meet any problem. Its
hard to pretend anymore, its getting on my nerves. I'd go crazy if I don't
let this anger out.

My dreams and goals aren't for you to make fun of. Because its working, don't
ever look down on my hard work. Cause at least I don't take money from my
parents anymore. Take a look at yourself, at your age, at your qualification,
where do you stand, what do you even have? Can you fucking feed yourself?
No you can't. What can you provide others with? Nothing.

Just continue laughing all you want, cause I'm gonna show you what you've
been missing out for laughing at me. Cause my life is gonna be fucking
awesome and fruitful than yours. You're just a fucking disgrace to your
parents.

2011-01-26T13:34:00.001+08:00

I used to be so naive to think that money is not that important.
But after so many incidents, now I finally understood I was so
wrong. Money strains relationship, money makes people go crazy,
money is something that you can never be without.

This is the reason why I've been working this hard. It doesn't
matter how tired I'm anymore, cause I don't want to be looked
down upon. People don't label you by how nice your personality
is or how good you're good academically. Its money that they're
looking at. They label you by how much you earn, what kind of
house you live in, how many properties and assets you've. They
won't even give a damn to how hard you work for it. They just
look at the end results. This is how realistic the world is. Don't
try to tell me otherwise, cause if you think money is not important.
Then you're wrong.

Sounds like a materialistic bitch. But this is truth, face the cold hard
truth. This is the real world, not your playhouse. The one with the
money get the say.